Sarah Deschamps
I Couldn't Tell you
The True Story of a Mother and Daughter's Journey to Overcome Their Mental Health Demons
I Couldn't Tell you
by Sarah Deschamps
This powerful memoir continues the story begun in Journey to Japan: A Life-Saving Memoir, revealing what happened after a family believed the worst was finally behind them. After years of medical crisis overseas, Sarah and her family return to the United States hopeful that their young daughter’s health battles are over. Instead, a devastating diagnosis triggers a new and far more complicated struggle—one that unfolds not only in hospitals, but in the hearts and minds of a mother and child.
As physical illness gives way to emotional and psychological trauma, the book explores how medical hardship can fracture family dynamics, identity, and trust. Sarah’s candid account traces her daughter’s descent into fear, anger, and despair, and her own parallel unraveling as a parent desperate to protect the child she loves.
Honest, fast-paced, and deeply moving, this memoir sheds light on the hidden toll of chronic illness and the strength required to keep going when hope feels out of reach.
I Couldn't Tell you
by Sarah Deschamps
This powerful memoir continues the story begun in Journey to Japan A Life-Saving Memoir, revealing what happened after a family believed the worst was finally behind them. After years of medical crisis overseas, Sarah and her family return to the United States hopeful that their young daughter’s health battles are over. Instead, a devastating diagnosis triggers a new and far more complicated struggle—one that unfolds not only in hospitals, but in the hearts and minds of a mother and child.
As physical illness gives way to emotional and psychological trauma, the book explores how medical hardship can fracture family dynamics, identity, and trust. Sarah’s candid account traces her daughter’s descent into fear, anger, and despair, and her own parallel unraveling as a parent desperate to protect the child she loves.
Honest, fast-paced, and deeply moving, this memoir sheds light on the hidden toll of chronic illness and the strength required to keep going when hope feels out of reach.
"I wanted this book to be written because I know what it feels like when you think no one will ever understand, and when you believe you are alone in what you are going through. This book is for anyone who feels like it'll never get better, but it does."
- Lily Deschamps (Sarah's daughter)
Book Cover Design – Source of Inspiration
The cover design is inspired by a tattoo Lily created in collaboration with her artist. It features the symbol of Venus—the Roman goddess represented by a circle with a small cross beneath it—an enduring emblem of beauty and femininity.
Layered across the symbol is a soft purple brushstroke. As Lily shared, “It’s hard to be a woman—especially hard for me. I don’t often feel beautiful. Purple is the color of royalty. It reminds me every day that I am a queen in my own right, and I deserve to treat myself that way.”
This imagery captures both vulnerability and strength, serving as a personal reminder of self-worth, resilience, and feminine power.
Recent Reviews
EXCEPTIONAL. CANDID. A fascinating and emotionally engaging read from cover to cover. Intensely personal, yet with a universal resonance.
-James A. Cox, Editor-in-Chief, Midwest Book Review
I admire your courage, your tenacity and your resilience during the long and hard years you and your family, and of course Lily went through. Writing about it was surely a therapy for you, but your love for your daughter and your grit are also an example for your readers. Your books make known the very rare birth defect Lily suffers from, and its psychological consequences for her and her family, and they are really well written. You say you were not a writer when you decided to publish your and Lily’s story, but you have certainly become a very good one! Your two books are true page turners, I couldn’t stop reading till the end.
It is very gripping. This is harrowing stuff. How could you as a mother bear it? I can’t believe what you went through. It takes courage to survive all this and write it down in a readable fashion. You are a survivor. You are honest about your own personality, it really comes through. You are inspirational. I must read it again, you wrote it so well. The scene with Lily singing is so powerful, I burst into tears. It is a transformational moment.
I just finished reading, “I Couldn’t Tell You,” Wow! You hit it out of the park! I wish your path through parenthood had been simpler, but we don’t get to choose that. What a gift this book is!
Your story is so compelling, it gives people hope. It filled me with gratitude - makes one feel they're not alone. Your and Lily's strength to share it... I could feel it.
Thank you for the incredible courage it must have taken you to write this book and lift the taboos surrounding mental health, in particular when facing a serious medical condition of your own child. Your style, with short chapters, lively dialogue, and a perfect length, pulls the reader right into the story, making your reasoning, your emotions and your key message easy to follow and understand. I was especially struck by your openness about how you and your husband exemplify the perseverance it takes to keep trying new paths, including the vital decision to seek professional help.
The book is a raw and honest look at the "living together" reality, where the daily effort and perseverance are continuous rather than a passing phase. Despite important challenges, your family succeeded in staying focused and dedicated through these medical and emotional challenges because of your collective resilience and refusal to give up. Your key message, echoed by Lily, shines through with such humility: identifying mental health symptoms early isn't a shame, it's a way to save yourself. You, Lily, and your family should be so proud of what you are doing and for sharing your story to encourage others to persevere and seek both medical and mental health support early on.
Bravo! Your book is heartbreaking and life affirming. You are the strongest, bravest person I know.
Exceptional, candid, "I Couldn't Tell You: The True Story of a Mother and Daughter's Journey to Overcome Their Mental Health Demons" is a simply fascinating and emotionally engaging read from cover to cover. Intensely personal yet with a universal resonance, "I Couldn't Tell You" is an extraordinary account and one that is unreservedly recommended for community and college/university library Contemporary American Biography/Memoir collections.
This is a searing portrait of a mom’s struggle to work through her own mental health challenges as she handles her daughter’s complex medical needs over many years. The writing is compelling, I could not put this down! Many moms (and daughters!) will relate to this story. Parenting can be a rough road, and this author puts it all out there, with themes vividly brought to life, including anxiety and OCD, medical PTSD, parental expectations, teenage independence, marital challenges, all of it! But also there’s a ray of light to let you know you can get through it. Highly recommend!
Your book is marvelous. The raw emotions you share…wow! Very powerful.
Your book came yesterday, and I read it cover to cover today. It is so compelling and so beautifully written. I was moved to tears and struck time and again by your voice and your authenticity. I am overwhelmed by the thought of all you’ve been through. The book is exquisite.
This is a searing portrait of a mom’s struggle to work through her own mental health challenges as she handles her daughter’s complex medical needs over many years. The writing is compelling, I could not put this down! Many moms (and daughters!) will relate to this story. Parenting can be a rough road, and this author puts it all out there, with themes vividly brought to life, including anxiety and OCD, medical PTSD, parental expectations, teenage independence, marital challenges, all of it! But also there’s a ray of light to let you know you can get through it. Highly recommend!
I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how much your writing has meant to me. When I picked up “Journey to Japan: A Life-Saving Memoir,” I was instantly captivated—I honestly couldn’t put it down. After finishing it, I remember reaching out to you because I wanted to hear the rest of your story. Then, along came “I Couldn’t Tell You,” and it was every bit as powerful and honest as your first book. I can truly say it’s one of the best non-fiction books I’ve read, and it resonated with me on so many levels.
Having known you for over 15 years and worked with you in various situations, I never would have guessed the challenges you were facing during all those years. You’ve always brought grace and gratitude to every interaction, inspiring everyone around you. Reading about how you felt you “had to do this on your own” was hard, but it also made your courage to share your story even more meaningful. The way you’ve protected others in your sphere while being so open about your journey is truly admirable.
Thank you for being such an inspiration, Sarah. Your strength, resilience, and willingness to share your experiences have touched so many people—including me. Well done!
As a medical professional, this book is a revelation - giving a perspective rarely talked about - how physical and mental health issues compound for both the patient AND those who care for them.
While so few can empathize on a medical level, this memoir tells of a deeply personal journey everyone can relate to on some level of a time when one had to cope with a situation utterly out of one’s control. This book lays out the fears, anxieties, uncertainties we have all felt in our lives, all under the guise and immense strain of putting on a hopeful and supportive face for your loved ones when you only feel helpless.
This read is a beautiful reminder for us all to acknowledge that it’s ok to not be ok. And that there is a way through
I devoured this book in two sittings.
Excellent memoir, well-written and very moving. She writes of her family struggling with both her daughter's serious ongoing medical problems and the mental health challenges that can travel along with this. These are things that are hard for all of us to talk about, and it is easy for families to feel isolated if mental health problems are present. I am grateful for the author's honesty in sharing her journey through her family's breakup and repair.
I Couldn’t Tell You” is just as, and in some ways more, engrossing as Sarah’s first book, “Journey to Japan A Life-Saving Memoir”. She has a totally relatable style of writing and I felt like I was in the room with her and Lily, as well as Fred and Emma. I am so grateful to Sarah and Lily for being willing to share the next chapters of their lives after arriving back in Minnesota because as I read the book, I was invested in their story – and I know other readers were too. More importantly, I am grateful for Sarah’s willingness to bare her soul to a world of strangers. We all need affirmations that what we are going through is “OK”, that we can get through a given crisis, and that others not only will understand but will be there as steadfast support. Thank you Sarah, for letting yourself be seen in such a brutally honest way. Your readers are better off after reading this book.
I admire your courage, your tenacity and your resilience during the long and hard years you and your family, and of course Lily went through. Writing about it was surely a therapy for you, but your love for your daughter and your grit are also an example for your readers. Your books make known the very rare birth defect Lily suffers from, and its psychological consequences for her and her family, and they are really well written. You say you were not a writer when you decided to publish your and Lily’s story, but you have certainly become a very good one! Your two books are true page turners, I couldn’t stop reading till the end.
I just finished Sarah's book. I couldn't put it down -- except when I couldn't take any more challenges that they faced. Please give Sarah my congratulations and save a few for family.
Reader Insights & Key Takeaways
- The paralyzing fear that your kid might die on a particular day or the next or the next.
- The fear that other people don’t understand the importance and right way to deal with your kid.
- The lack of spousal equity in efforts.
- Always walking on eggshells
- Starting to feel things are okay, but then they are not.
- Feeling exhausted, weepy, but still having to hold it together
- Changing expectations and your own judgments about things like college, tattoos.
- The stigma of mental health issues keeping you from telling others what you are going through.
Sarah Deschamps
About The Author
Sarah Deschamps is an author and memoirist whose writing explores family, resilience, and the lasting impact of medical trauma. A former teacher and administrator in the United States and Japan, she later raised millions of dollars for nonprofit organizations. Her debut memoir, Journey to Japan: A Life-Saving Memoir, has been published internationally. Through her work, Deschamps brings empathy and honesty to stories of survival, parenting, and the emotional complexity of healing.